Disney's Gay Agenda

"Let's get down to business, to defeat the Huns. Did they send me daughters, when I asked for sons? You're the saddest bunch I ever met but you can bet before we're through:
Mister, I'll make a man out of you."

What up bitches. We know we haven't written a blog in a long time, but we've been way too famous of late. You should see the looks we don't get when we walk down the street. Quite frankly we're sick of writing for undereducated, underwhelming, underwear wearing dummkopf's. Anyway, thanks for being here, we missed you.

We are here to expose the evil that is Disney. A recent article (Written by some gays) was lamenting that Disney grossly under represents the gay community in their films. Bullshit.  During our extensive investigations, we have discovered Disney's evil plot, their "Gay Agenda".  When watching Disney, us right wing fundies expect to find wholesome christian values. Like we should get married when we're 16 (right Ariel?) because how else can we have the sexuals? We learn to judge people who are different. We learn that animals can talk, and if we believe hard enough, they will become our sidekick, complete with cracking one liners - especially if they're black. But since the first Disney film, there has been a commie, homo-loving, left-wing agenda. This is unacceptable - ain't nobody wanna see Bambi with two dad's - am I right ladies?

Disney films are littered with gay characters and lingering homosexual looks. They may not be apparent to the dregs of society (hey Gemma, how's things wit chu?), But they are abundantly clear to us. And we write to you today to expose this seedy side of Disney films. We cannot have gay people thinking their lifestyle is acceptable and exposing our children to this pornography must cease and also desist. The following is a comprehensive list of films to avoid. Not just for children, but for you also. 

1) Mulan. Where do we begin? This is quite possibly the gayest film we have ever seen. There are lesbians, gays, and all colours of the gaybow. Firstly, it is quite apparent that Mulan was raised as a boy for the majority of her life. No one wonder he is confused about her gender and dresses up as a man for most of the film. He then has the audacity to come onto a man. Shang.


 Let's look at Shang, shall we? Shang has daddy issues and is confused about his sexuality. In our opinion, he needs a good few electric shocks and a good thumping with a bible. What was his family thinking putting him in charge of a camp full of burly men (and Mulan)? He has blatant homosexual tendencies. For example, he is buff; he has long, well groomed hair; he often does not wear a shirt; and he requests that all the men in the camp reach the top of his pole for an unknown reward. That's gay.




2) Pocahontas. Poke YOUR hontas. We're not entirely sure what that means, but we do know it's gay. You may sit your kids down to watch this film, thinking that it is a harmless tale about how nature must give way to progress, but alas, no. First we have the unsavory relationship between Wiggins and Ratcliffe, but it is nothing compared to the perverted gay love triangle between young Thomas, John Smith and Pocahontas. What's that you say? Pocahontas is female? You poor, naive fuckwit. With that jawline, Pocahontas is either a man, or Idina Menzel. 

3) Beauty and the Beast. Gosh, where do we even begin? Cogsworth and Lumiere, am I right fellas? It is not clear how long they have been engaging in anal sex, but it is quite obvious from their sickly demeanor, they both have a gay STI (which we all know are much worse than heterosexual STI's - this is Gods way of weeding out the gays). We leave you with a final word on this movie, summing up our point. Gaston.

4) Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs (Aka the Great Disney Orgy of 37')

Ok. Come on people. 7 men, living together in one little cottage in the woods. Hehe woods. They whistle on their way to work together, where it is apparent they are jewelers (A clearly gay profession) and come home and do probably unspeakable acts of gayness. Then God sends them a woman to cure them of their disease... and what do they do? They hire a witch to get rid of her, until the handsome prince comes and fucks them all. IT HAPPENED. It really happened!

5) Sleeping Beauty. Yeah, so three "fairies" (a better description would be predators) set up an elaborate rouse to take the princess deep into the forest to their house of ill repute, where they raise her to be a young lesbian. They are grooming her for her marriage to the Evil Queen. But then she meets the Prince, and try's to do the sex with him and things get ugly. (PS - we also have a theory the Prince is homosessual for the dragon anyway - did you see the scene where he put his sword in it?) The Evil queen gets jealous, and sets the dragon on everyone. Because as a lesbian, she is clearly mentally unstable.


These are but a few examples of Disney's gay agenda, here are a few honourable mentions:

• Tangled umm yeah... so... Flynn gives Rapunzel a haircut at the end. He does it in one quick move... her hair is perfectly layered and quaffed (is that a thing?) and it perfectly accentuates her cheekbones. (Gay). PS Donna Murphy is in it. Fabulous!

• Anastasia. We know it's not a disney movie, so SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE SOMEONE DROPS A HOUSE ON YOU! We just wanted to give it an honourble mention... Two men dressing up an impressionable young Liz Callaway in fabulous outfits and teaching her how to act like a woman. It's My Fair Lady all over again. Also Bernadette Peters, the High Priestess of Faggotry, is in the movie.

• Enchanted. James Marsden's tights are pretty gay. But then there was the scene where he whipped out his "sword" for Patrick Dempsey...

• Aladdin and Genie. Totes doin it on the side.

• Simba's gay uncles ("guncles") Timon and Pumba.

Yes, it's sad but true. So remember, next time you sit down for a "harmless" disney film... you may be sitting down to watch gay pornography. The gay agenda is everywhere. You must be vigilant, otherwise the next thing you know gay people may be given the same rights as ordinary people. They might get married to each other. They may infiltrate society and become doctors, teachers and musical theatre performers. This must not happen!

Peace out gays. See you in Hell.

PS In the off chance you are a complete moron, or don't have a sense of humour... we actually love the gays. We bow at the altar of the lesbitarian church, we recognise Cher as an official deity, and we're willing to put our gayness up against anyone else's. Especially Shang. And his wang. Haha it's funny cos it rhymes.